A straight from the heart article which in terms of both context & sentiment I empathise with entirely.
I get to watch virtually every Blues game, courtesy of a local with a 'dodgy' box; sometime I will raise myself from my apathy to sign up for the 'Forever Blue' membership & go in for the ballot.
BM for the first time & I so want it to be as special as my first visit the GOL in 1956.
Why the reluctance?
Simply because I don't want the massive disappointment resulting in disenchantment you describe so accurately from wildly varying performances.
Which team will turn up; the timid, fear ridden frail set who seem to save their most dire form for BM or the gritty, tenacious 'Dogs of War' who travel away from home and perform heroics.
My circumstances are so different from yours & I doubt I would have your perseverance in adversity which is admirable.
It was decent of Lyndon to offer you a chance to 'recant' but if anything our latest pleasing result makes your original argument the stronger.
Total Respect from me Kieran.

I think what you're describing Kieran, is addiction. And we're all lumbered with it. Only the top sides achieve 'consistency', so for the rest there will always be two steps forward one step back to some degree. And especially around Christmas and NY, there's too many games and so by the end of it we're down to the bare bones. And in some respects it's Everton's inconsistency that keeps us sane. Imagine the impact on your brain of |Everton going on two ten match winning runs during a season. IT would totally take over your life. I remember thinking that when watching a documentary about a Man U fan who followed them everywhere. By the end I was left with the thought that the worst thing that happened to that guy was siralex being appointed. His whole life was based around a football team, imagine that.

Kieran, where to start? A heartfelt perspective of your experience as a blue. As Kevin also says, imagine a life centered around a football team? So I suppose everyone has different relationships and life experiences of supporting Everton. To some it's everything, the rock on which their lives are anchored, or perversely the rocks on which we founder!

Many of us know nothing else, it was ingrained at birth, you were a red or blue and the answer often governed who you fell in love with, or associated with, it was your tribe. No getting away from it. You experience the joys and depression of being a blue that deeply affect your ability to cope, the world outside of football continually impacted by the latest result, the latest news.

Being born a blue is woven into your very fabric, a strand of DNA that cannot be removed, altered or suppressed. Coping with such a reality requires an acceptance of that its who you are, that you are part of a family whose reach out like ripples from the Blue banks of the Mersey to here in NZ and back again. In years to come I wonder who will be the first Evertonian on the moon..there is no limit of distance to the love of Everton, only the sense of loss when you cannot participate!

Don't worry Kieran, it's not actually something you can't ignore no matter how frustrated you get. You see, you fell in love with the most gorgeous woman called Everton, it's a love affair that never ends.

Great article which probably describes how many of us have felt over the last decade - or more.

I too am a 51 year old Dub. To say I was a die hard fan in my earlier years is a disservice; fights in the schoolyard defending Everton's honour. But years of gradual (then rapid) decline, followed by the roller coaster ride we have been on for so long, dampens these powerful emotions. It's a kind of defense mechanism, the need to protect one's own feelings and mental state, that we push what hurts us, away. We disassociate. And the glimpses of optimism, the point where we think we have "turned the corner", allows us to become more vulnerable, only to be kicked in the guts again.

I wish we could get rid of the mentality in the club whereby heroic failure is somehow enough. It is not. We have a very good team on paper, in my view a forward and a left & right back away from being excellent. Our midfield and back line is one of the youngest and most promising in the league. Our keeper is one of, if not the best, in the world.

What we need is more consistency, fewer injuries and a FAIR CRACK AT THE WHIP WHEN REFEREEING AND VAR IS CONCERNED!!!

My Grands was born and lived near Stanley Park, as was my dad. I've had season tickets,been to away matches etc. Sometimes it's madness following Everyone. Enduring the stick and gloating of my red family for Everton's are often like sadomasochism at its finest.
I live in Sweden now and have been here 13 years or so. I get to watch every game nearly on TV but the last few years have really tested my faith!
Was home for a family funeral last week in Liverpool - my dad's brother who was a red - the service was in the church my uncle attended all his life and was where my parents got married in 68. A load of us red and blue, met up on Everton way after the funeral. Both my grandas we're dockers...
Doesn't matter whether you're linked via biology or not, or from Liverpool or not, we're all in this crazy blue family which can be as infuriating as being part of any natural family but I'm grateful to God for being born to my dad and for being a Blue 💙💙

Hey Kieran,
Thanks a million for sharing your story. While I can relate to most of it (I'm Itish, living in Germany, 52, rarely get to a match, roller coaster, family commitments etc) I have learned to step back from my expectations related to the toffees.
I have learned that I cannot rely on them for regular doses of happiness.. meaning I need to spread it out and find other sources.. between the madness of world politics right now and the general state of football (money money money and corruption) there's probably a number of reasons to be disheartened. If family or work is sapping too much energy then a decent game like Villa or Forrest is a great cure. But we can't rely on the blue medication. I'm not a psychologist but I suggest turning down the expectations and enjoy the good days. Add a bit of a walk on howth head, a pint in the local, a few laughs about the red shite and a bit of six nations into the mix and maybe you get a bit of sustainable balance to stay sane and keep the blue faith.
Regards, Kevin

Hey Kieran,
Thanks a million for sharing your story. While I can relate to most of it (I'm Irish, living in Germany, 52, rarely get to a match, roller coaster, family commitments etc) I have learned to step back from my expectations related to the toffees.
I have learned that I cannot rely on them for regular doses of happiness.. meaning I need to spread it out and find other sources.. between the madness of world politics right now and the general state of football (money money money and corruption) there's probably a number of reasons to be disheartened. If family or work is sapping too much energy then a decent game like Villa or Forrest is a great cure. But we can't rely on the blue medication. I'm not a psychologist but I suggest turning down the expectations and enjoy the good days. Add a bit of a walk on howth head, a pint in the local, a few laughs about the red shite and a bit of six nations into the mix and maybe you get a bit of sustainable balance to stay sane and keep the blue faith.
Regards, Kevin

Just what I was thinking Kevin (7).

I also have to say that, in my opinion, if you think there has been a recent terrible decline in performance you may have gotten somewhat over excited with some of the positive results.

I am not currently a match goer but I routinely view the majority of our games in their entirety (often re-viewing key events many times) and I feel the performance has been consistently inconsistent but with enough ability on display overall that I am really nowhere near as anxious this season as I have been for the previous few.

I still want a lot more over time (only the best will do) but I can’t fathom why people would be disheartened by EFC currently.

Alan @ 4, mentality is the key. Utd had it in spades under Ferguson. Forest had it under Clough. Dare I say it, Liverpool had it under Klopp. Until the club figures out a way of instilling it into it's very core, it's going to be ups and downs I'm afraid.

Christine, yes there is nom getting away from it. I've been doing it so long, and it'd dictated my emotions for so long, it's there to stay whether I like it or not.

Kevin @ 6, that's a fair point about expectations. It ties in to what Christine says about being stuck with it. The six nations is coming up very soon. A good result against France might set us up. There's always the German beer Kevin. whcih for you must be a very viable alternative. Although the food can be depressing in itself.

Kieran- thanks for writing this. I’ve had periods where I’ve had similar thoughts to yourself. As a Midlander with no family ties to Everton, and now living in the US I’ve often questioned why I get up early to watch some of the dross served up in recent years. Had you written this a a few seasons ago I would’ve been in total agreement with you but as Simon commented, I feel like we’re in a relatively good place at the moment. Somehow only a couple of points off Europe, and despite some high profile incidents that you mention, I feel that the effort and team spirit is getting back to what we saw during Moyes’ first spell.

I have found that taking a bit of a step back has helped. I too have a son with special needs and your priorities do change. I used to have the ability to watch every Everton game on TV but in an effort to limit my monthly outgoings I cancelled my TV subscription and now catch what games I can on Peacock, catch the highlights or every now and then go to a pub.

For me the wider game of football holds very little interest for me any more, in a few months there will be World Cup games going on just a few miles down the road from me. Even if I could afford the ticket prices I would have no desire to attend. Man City being able to continue to spend and hoover up all the talent in the league from the non-Sky darlings, widespread corruption, VAR. There are plenty on reasons to feel disillusioned about the game as a whole but Everton will always draw me back in.

I was over for the Man U game last season for my final trip to Goodison. I still haven’t got used to seeing the new stadium on TV and miss seeing the pillars of our Grand Old Stadium. Hearing that the Winslow closed its doors today left me with a feeling of sadness and nostalgia. Hoping to get over to a game at the new place which would hopefully strengthen my connection to the modern Everton. Keep with us mate!

For the next generation our feelings, which run the gamut of emotions for all things Blue will be viewed with perplexity; what is new & a little depressing to us as the old order changes will be the norm for them.
That's life.
Christine; hot off the press.
If not a Blue Moon man would you settle for a Blue in Downing St?
Just conjecture of course.

Howard, that would be outstanding in my opinion, two world leaders, Evertonians.. has to be a first! perhaps I should run for office here in NZ.. lol
I've never tried to walk away from all things Everton, no matter what the depression suffered, although I admit to being somewhat disillusioned with the Premier League. Given the ridiculous time differences here, I only have time to watch the blues so rarely do I bother to watch any other games as I see little point or interest, do I suspect others do the same?

Keiran I can also identify with your article as well.

I am non plus about Everton's performances, but really had expected no better under Moyes and a football culture of self preservation that still exists within the Club.But I am hopeful we will turn the corner and become a modern run Club with with reasonable ambition.This will never happen with Moyes, but there are signs of change.

Good Luck and give me regards to your son, an Evertonian I guest.

Jerome
Can you give if it a break now and then.
Year after year we have been enduring nervous end of seasons hoping that we will avoid the drop. Then we have two seasons where we are no longer have this fear, admittedly some underwhelming performance and we have the usual comments about Moyes. For the moment I am hoping tonight we will win and be in contention for at least a European place. Not bad progress in 12 months. Curtaining doing better than Frank Spurs who many wanted to replace Moyes.
Let’s see how the season ends before we decide whats our best option for the future.